How do you know when to move on?
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than hanging on.” – Eckhart Tolle
We have all heard about persistence and pushing through obstacles in order to “not give up.” In fact, much of the self-improvement content out there today encourages us to break through barriers, not listen to parts of ourselves, and keep going until we get to some end point. Could there be another way to look at this?
What if there are ideas, people, projects, etc. that we are ready to let go of?
Recently, life has been giving examples for me to learn from around letting go/quitting/moving on. A friend of mine has gone back and forth on whether or not to put his aging cat down. My wife and I had to leave a family vacation early, because the dynamics were just not working for us and our active toddler, despite really wanting to be there. And some people I coach are letting go of old projects and old ways of being (like taking on more projects).
And so the issue with a lot of mainstream “self-improvement” is that it encourages constant improvement and always persevering. This can be an amazing asset, and surely most of us would benefit from daily hormetic stresses that encouraged us to break free of some fearful patterning that is not aiding us. However, if this is not counterbalanced with an equally skilled ability to know when to move on from something, then we will be stuck on a hamster wheel and never be able to get off.
How to know when to let go of something?
I wish I had a one liner that would easily address this question, but life is far more nuanced than that. What I can say is that there are many tools we can use and questions we can ask in order to help make the best decision. Here are some ideas and/or questions to ask:
1. Speak to a variety of people you trust about the situation you are in, and do so in a curious and open way, meaning, ensure that you aren’t skewing the conversation to go a certain way. We hear what we want to hear, and most people won’t truly confront us.
2. What am I afraid will happen if I stop doing x?
3. Am I noticing a pattern in how I work through major issues/events in my life? What is the usual outcome? And I am enacting that same pattern now? Often people may actually get through something, but it comes with a great sacrifice (maybe personally, or to their family).
4. If everything was perfectly ok, what would I chose to do?
5. Does this project/issue/habit/goal actually align with the things that are most important to me, deep down?
By working through the above, you might see that the harder thing to do would actually be to let go of something and maybe that’s why you continue to do it. Often our predictive brains only think one move ahead and we can’t know how our choices impact ourselves and others in the long run. All we can do is be as truthful and honest to ourselves and others and let the chips fall where they may.
With you on the path,
Joe
